It’s HERE! The long-awaited SEQUEL to our smash-hit daily tear-off calendar, THE PESSIMIST, starts shipping next week! And it’s more DEPRESSING than EVER! With a smoking-hot new psychiatrist, a break-through new medication, and a Manic-Pixie-Dreamgirl new partner, what could possibly go wrong? (Quite a lot, actually…)
“We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the latrines…”
For most, there is no crueler day of the calendar year than that of Valentine’s Day. While a fraction of the population can look forward to a holiday of wine and roses, poetry and song, the vast majority of us know it as a day of nausea and grimacing, trauma and grief.
Are you sick of reading stories about the fiscal cliff? Do you wish journalists would focus on news that actually matters? Are you drunk right now? Well, friends, Business Insider feels your pain — your intense, throbbing head pain — and lists the 25 most hungover cities in America.
A few years ago, Despair.com employees grabbed our barfbags went deep undercover into enemy territory. We attended the Austin “Get Motivated” all-day seminar series. We shot a wealth of footage of motivational speeches and photos, pausing only to heave into our bags when our constitution failed us. This is a one-minute glimpse into our nightmarish experience.
Finally, someone had the guts to say what we’ve all been thinking for some time. Tolkein was a sexist for not featuring more chicks in his epic fantasy sagas.
COMING SOON- Despair.com’s legendary Caption Contest will return, offering clever commenters the chance to compete to win a $300 cash prize if they submit the most brilliant caption for the photo above.
Mel Brooks summed it up so well when he said, “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” We laugh because we recognize the truth of it. For some reason, it’s easier to find amusement in the suffering and humiliations of others.
Employees at Austin-based cynical goods retailer Despair, Inc. reacted angrily today to news of Despair’s inadvertent involvement in the recently-emerging junket scandal that has rocked the General Services Administration. In response, representatives at the company vowed to take immediate legal action.
Ben Burton called it “The most important Liveblog of Republican Debate.” Read the transcript below and judge for yourself.