Finally, someone had the guts to say what we’ve all been thinking for some time.  Tolkein was a sexist for not featuring more chicks in his epic fantasy sagas.

I know I wasn’t the only one horrified, sevens hours into “The Hobbit“, when Thorin and his band of merry dwarves finally finished off the last of Frodo’s pastries, having made a gigantic mess of his kitchen.  And then, BOLD AS BRASS, they started cleaning up his kitchen like it was THEIR JOB.  I kept muttering to myself, “This can’t be happening. Aren’t there ANY WOMEN in Middle Earth to do this?!”

I know it’s fantasy and all- and suspension of disbelief is part of the grand bargain between author and fan.  But I was already straining to buy the fact that a dozen dwarves could spontaneously burst into an improvised song which they nevertheless were able to sing in perfect unison without having rehearsed it.

“Okay, so there’s some fruity Dwarven telepathy that let’s them erupt in showtunes when they want to, I guess?”, I mused to my self in annoyance, “That’s a bit of a stretch but alright…”

But then Tolkien takes it TOO FAR by having them sing their fabulous, thirty-minute showtune WHILE THEY’RE CLEANING A KITCHEN.  I kept waiting, praying, the women of Hobbitton would flood in and stop the madness.  But no!  There WEREN’T ANY.

Unsurprisingly, I wasn’t the only one offended by the absence of female characters in Tolkien’s universe.  Ruth Davis Konigsberg, senior editor of Time Magazine, was similarly outraged by the conspicuous absence of females.

In a recent column for “Time Ideas“, Konigsberg threw quite the hissyfit, as women so often do.  In this particular instance, I reluctantly have to admit- I might be in agreement with her.  (At least with the title.  I can’t be bothered to read the whole damn thing.  I’ve got man stuff to do.  On Pinterest.  If you must know.)